Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
