i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
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you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
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Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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