Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
