Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
