I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
