i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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