she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.