speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She's allergic to latex.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..