just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.