but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.