I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
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I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
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Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.