It's just like the Real World with babies
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
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I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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