i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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