how can u be prego again
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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