i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
