I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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