Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize