So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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