Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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