I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
