Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize