i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
