So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
