Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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