When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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