oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
