OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I pour the whiskey from now on
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
