umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
