every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
