I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
