There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
