i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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