I will die if light touches me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize