Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
