My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
