I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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