I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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