I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
