youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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