i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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