How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
