My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
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It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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