Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
