this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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