Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
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On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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