i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
