We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
