Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
