my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
