Christians are straight up FREAKS
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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