If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
