there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
