I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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