No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
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I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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