I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
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tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
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How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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