apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize