The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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