just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize