my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
