There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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