i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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