i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
