You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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