I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
