ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
