Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
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I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
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I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize