girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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