high people should be assigned attendants
I love how my cats smell like pot.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Is Oprah even human
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
