I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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