i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
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