Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
