A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
