You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm at about main and main street
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
