When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
