i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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